Your feelings may go up and down—you may feel fine one day, and devastated the next. Your feelings may be confusing or surprising to you at times. But trust that there are no “normal” or “abnormal” feelings during a breakup. There’s no set timeline for grieving a breakup. Whether it takes less or more time than you expect, this is your journey.
Did you break up because you fought a lot? Did you not really like spending time with one another? Was there a lot of tension and jealousy in your relationship? It can help to actually write down a list of things that made you unhappy. This will help you remember that it’s a positive that things ended.
Plus, staying in a relationship for another person will end up hurting everyone. You don’t need to feel breakup guilt, because if you were unhappy, that’s reason enough to break up. Trust that this move is better for him in the long run, too.
This way, you both have time to grow and reflect, giving you a chance to mature and create a healthier relationship in the future.
When you go to text your ex, type the message in your notes like a journal instead. If you’re more likely to call them when you’re drinking, have a friend hold onto your phone for your nights out. If you need to avoid reminders of him, purge your social media. Unfollow or block him on every app that you use regularly.
Get artistic. Channel your feelings into a song, a poem, a short story, or a painting. Talk it through with friends. Offer to buy your pal a strong cup of coffee and chat things through. Journal whenever you feel inspired. Over time, you might pick up on recurring thoughts and feelings that you can work through.
Enroll in an exciting class—cooking, swing dancing, woodworking, you name it. Finish your dream project. Organize your closet, paint your room, or create a vision board. Throw yourself into work. Take initiative, learn a new software, or go after a big promotion. Try something new. A new hobby can help you keep your mind in the present. It also may be an opportunity to make new friends. If you knit, for example, you can try joining a knitting circle.
To get better rest, meditate before bed and aim to go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day. Get all the vitamins and nutrients you need. Foods filled with probiotics and leafy greens are proven to give your mood a boost. Get active every day. Walk to work, train for a 5k, go for a bike ride—do whatever makes you feel the best.
Does your friend have a birthday coming up? Offer to plan their surprise party! If you have a family relationship that hasn’t been as strong lately, plan a weekly dinner with them. Organize amazing group activities. Start a book club, plan a group getaway, or host a holiday party.
Try meeting new connections through dating apps. Enjoy a night out on the town and flirt was someone new and exciting. Go on a long, solo trip that you couldn’t have taken when you were in a relationship.
“Whether or not I spend the next 30 minutes stressing about my ex-boyfriend, it won’t change anything. ” “Just for today, I’m setting myself free of these thoughts. Instead, I’m going to go listen to music and enjoy a nice salad. ” “It might feel nice to look at old photos, but it’ll hurt after. I’m choosing not to do this to myself for today. ”
Get help from someone you trust. [13] X Research source If you’re not sure where to start, try BetterHelp.
What would be different if we got back together? Do I regret the decision because I’m feeling heartbroken, or because I made a mistake? What have we learned during our breakup? How can we keep the same thing from happening again?
If waiting feels impossible, remember that you want to be in a respectful, kind relationship. To hold up your end of the bargain, you need to honor his wishes, even while you’re not officially together.
Rekindling just to ease the pain of heartbreak will make things harder in the long run. It’s best to talk about what you two did during your breakup, especially if you were with different people. Talk about your relationship with the perspective that everything is brand new—falling into bad patterns and holding grudges might cause you both hurt down the line. Ask him to talk at a time that feels comfortable for him: “Hey, do you have some free time this week? I would really love to talk about our relationship. " Then, let him know how you feel: “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and I think we can make this work. I want to open a discussion about rekindling our relationship. "
